Twilight Speak!
by MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles
Summary: A whole lot of twilight quotes, phrases, people and place names, plus their more honest, funny translations.
1. Chapter 1

**These are based on my opinions, don't get mad! **

Twilight Speak

Stupid lamb - Annoying, exasperating idiot.

Sick, Masochistic Lion - Insanely gorgeous and perfect vampire.

You are my life now - You smell great! Can I suck your blood?

Will you marry me? - An extremely scary question. If asked, run away.

Forks - An AWFUL place. Like 'Cry yourself to sleep if YOU decide to move there' bad.

To be 'unconditionally' in love with someone - fall in love with someone else also, a few books later.

Snow - something awful. Not at all fun. No amount of snow ball fights or snowmen will ever make it fun.

Cliff Diving - An activity taken up by attention-seeking teenagers.

Presents - AWFUL things. If you get one, you should cry.

**I know that this isn't much but i've got loads more, so if everyone likes it, I'll continue.**

**Review please! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, so I know I haven't updated in a million billion years and I'm sorry, but I swear, if everyone likes this, I WILL update, like, in the next few days. Its all set out differently with quotes and comments, but I couldn't be bothered with the other ones.**

_At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.' _- At least, not before I knock her up in sexy rampage at Isle Esme. After that, Tyler and his van can do whatever the hell they want...

_Well, I'm sorry I can't be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. - Jacob Black : _Um, Jake? Did it ever occur to you, that maybe the whole TAIL thing was kind of the turn off there?

_Kryptonite doesn't bother me either- Edward Cullen : _But God forbid Bella get a paper cut, I will totally blow my top.

_I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in — my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that! - Edward Cullen : _Just you wait till the pants come off.... Your eyes won't be anywhere NEAR the old face....

_I've decided that if I'm going to Hell, I might as well do it thoroughly- Edward Cullen : _*puts on devil horns* There. Very thorough.

**This is just a taster. Let me know if you like or hate so I know whether to stop or keep going. Xo **


	3. Chapter 3

_If I could dream at all, it would be about you, and I'm not ashamed of it. - Edward Cullen_ : Dreams don't include fantasies right? Because if we're including fantasies, I was lying. I have _a lot _to be ashamed of... *Drools at thought of Bella in kinky mountain lion suit*

_One side of his mouth pulled up into my favourite uneven smile – Bella Swan : _Edward: Yeah...About that... I kinda had a dentist appointment that morning. The other side of my mouth was numb... *smiles evenly* Bella: *grabs other side of mouth and pulls it down* There. Muuuuch better....

_I promise to love you forever – every single day of forever – Edward Cullen :_ Unless, one day, you smash my Debussy CD's. Then I'm getting a divorce. Seriously.

_If you ever repeat what I'm saying right now, I'll cheerfully beat you to death. - Bella Swan: _*draws smiley face on baseball bat* That's pretty much the only way I can be cheerful.

_I may not be human, but I am a man – Edward Cullen : _*adjusts bra* Not since lat we-ek!

_I'm here, which roughly translated mean I would rather die then stay away from you. - Bella Swan : _Rough Translater (Me) : Erm... No. It just means you're a dumbass.

_You don't seem seventeen... - Edward Cullen : _Bella: *injects self obsessively with botox* Edward: Bella! I simply meant that _inside _you don't seem seventeen... Bella: *giggles* OH! Ha ha. Silly me... *injects splein, liver and large intestine with botox*

**Soooo, whadda ya think? I can't seem to find many quotes that are good enough to translate. Do you think you could help me? Just give me all your favourite quotes and I'll take the piss!Easy enough!**


	4. Chapter 4

_Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars, points of light and reason. ….And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything. - Edward Cullen, New Moon –_**Bella**: Aww...Wait, whats that in you hand Edward? **Edward**: Er...Nothing? **Bella**: Is that...ARE YOU READING FROM AN ASTRONOMY BOOK!?

_If we could bottle your luck, we'd have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands. - Edward Cullen – _But then, still with your luck, we probably wouldn't be able to find a bottle to use....

_I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in — my voice, my face, even my smell. - Edward Cullen, Twilight – _**Bella**: Pffff, James smelt better. And you thought I only ran off to him because of my Mom....

_I don't care who's a vampire and who's a werewolf. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too. - Bella Swan, Eclipse.- _**Angela**: This is about my crooked nose isn't it? ISN'T IT!?

**Sob. And this is my last chapter. Sob. Hope you enjoyed them!** **Review! xxxxx**


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